I had a dream last night that I was in the U.S. Open Golf Tourney. I was ripping drives 50 yards past Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson. My short iron game was on and my putting was unbelievable. Of course I was doing it while wearing clown feet and sporting a Ben Wallace Afro. Oh and occasionally a cartoon character would give me high fives. But that aside it was a very cool dream. I made a hole in one on a par 4 and promptly told Lefty and Tiger to eat my shorts. Then I made out with Jessica Alba. Which was nice.
So what does the dream mean? I don't know and frankly I don't care. I was kicking ass and scoring with a major hottie. Does there need to be complexity here?


And speaking of no-brainers, there is the matter of the real U.S. Open and the media's wet dream of having the final day come down to Tiger and Phil. I like everyone else would like to see this happen. We've been waiting for a rival for Tiger for years. Vijay Singh gave it a run for a year or so before his putter ran away with him (Maybe he'll make another go at it starting today. Hopefully not because Vijay's a major weenie. Nobody likes him because win or lose he pisses people off with his attitude).

Anyway back to Phil. With some Majors in his pocket now he has catapulted his way into the role of legitimate Tiger rival. A duel between these two this weekend would solidify it. It's what we all want. And since I won't be staring down Tiger and Phil anytime soon and a hookup with Jessica Alba is unlikely, this is the only dream that has a shot of coming true.

I saw something on tv last fall about Kellen Winslow's motorcycle accident and Ben Roethlisberger was being interviewed about his penchant for motorcycle riding especially without a helmet. He defended himself saying he's careful. I thought to myself at the time that that was the most idiotic thing I had heard in a while. I told my wife watching with me at the time, "I hope he is around someday to regret what he is saying". I hate to be right about these things. If you've seen the news on Big Ben then you know what I'm talking about. Hopefully he turns out to be ok. If I was a Steeler fan I'd hope he never looks at a motorcycle again

I'm out of town this week on a work conference so I'll keep this short: Where can I buy the Mark Cuban voodoo doll complete with complimentary pins and matches? ---Go Heat.

---Dwyane Wade was awesome in game 4 against Detroit but I worry about his body holding up through the finals if they put away Detroit. He's taking a lot of abuse and hitting the floor way too much.

 

---I really hope the Suns/Mavs will go seven games. My hope is that in the final seconds of game seven Nash hits a three in the final seconds to win the series, turns aroud and makes eye contact with Mark Cuban and then rubs his fingers together as if to say, "should have showed me the cash dude". It won't happen but wouldn't that be a nice tv movment?


And although it seems I might be picking on Cuban a bit lately, I absolutely think he is a good owner for the Mavericks. I don't like the guy but I have to hand it to him; he is dedicated to making Dallas a winner and cares passionately about the game. You can't say that about all the owners out there. I still like my tv moment mentioned above but maybe the Mavs are better off without Nash. Their defense used to be atrocious. It is not great yet, but it is getting better and Nash leaving probably is one reason why. As good as Steve Nash is offensively; defensively he's a liability.


---Speaking of liabilities, how about ABC's future Monday Night color guy and broadcast liability, Joe Theismann. Joe T. criticizing Ricky Williams today was amusing. Does anyone care a damn about what Joe thinks? This is a man who can contradict himself 3 times in the span of 30 seconds while broadcasting a game. As long as he's throwing the word "disgrace" around to describe Williams he could toss the same word in to describe his brodcasting skills

---Mark Cuban makes me want to root against the Mavericks even though I like most of the guys on their team.


---The Suns will lose to the Mavs because they can't play defense and Dallas finally can. Sorta.



---I have rooted against every team Shaquille O'Neal has been on since he's come into the league. I just don't like the guy that much. However I will be rooting for the Heat against the Pistons because of Dwyane Wade. I like him that much. My man-crush on Wade supersedes my one-sided feud with Shaq.

 

---There are some things about the Detroit Pistons that I really like. Ben Wallace for one. Who wouldn't want this guy on their team? Tayshaun Prince is also a player that I really root for. Thirty pounds ago I used to be a skinny guy so I'm all for the slender types. Also, he plays tough defense and is underrated on offense. What's not to like about the Pistons? Well Rasheed Wallace is fairly annoying and for some weird reason Chauncy Billups bugs me. But what I hate most about this team is their damn homecourt P.A. announcer. Usually when you watch games on tv you don't even notice these guys. Not the Piston' dude. "Deeeetroooit Baaasketbaaaawl".  This is a guy begging to be duct-taped naked to a goalpost and shaved from head to toe.

---Long live the Clippers. Let's hope owner Donald Sterling and GM Elgin Baylor don't find a way to screw this team up this summer.

---Elton Brand is awesome and I wish the Clippers hadn't matched the free agent offer sheet that the Jazz offered him a couple of years back. He is exactly what my Jazz need.



---Just like everybody else I hated to see Barbaro go down at the Preakeness. The only time I tune into horseracing is when there is shot at the Triple Crown. Luckily it's been pretty regular the past decade with a lot of good horses making a run for it. I'm no prophet especially when it comes to picking a winning horse but I can predict this: the t.v. ratings for the Belmont are gonna suck.



---I wish Bonds would hit 715 already. 714 took long enough. I'm sick of the top story of news-broadcasts being that Bonds didn't hit one out. How is that news? I wish a pitcher would just serve him up a meatball so they'll quit talking about the guy.

--By the way, Albert Pujols defending Bonds just made me lose some respect for him and got me wondering if maybe he has skeletons in his closet. I'll bet I'm not the only one. The quote that really gets me by Pujols is this one: Pujols says about the coverage on Bonds, "That's why I get so angry when they talk and rag on Barry. The guy hasn't done anything and you guys are already friggin' ragging and wiping the floor with his name, which is real sad."
--So because he hasn't tested positive for the juice he never did it right Mr. Pujols? You have never tested positive either. So maybe you never did it in the past either.....hmmmm. Now I like Pujols and I would like to see him make a run on Barry's single season HR record. But even if he does I know another part of me will view it with suspicion. Not so much because of his comments but because Bonds, Mcgwire, Sosa, etc. ruined the excitement of home-run records for all of us. We can't help but be suspicious even with the testing now taking place. Barry didn't do anything ? Please. He just ruined you and every other power-hitter's credibility for years to come Albert